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Protected: Lonely.


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It has been my mission since I started this blog to ensure the archives have every month of the year displayed. It’s part of my whole OCD/perfectionist persona which sadly is linked also to my procrastinating persona.

I just want it to look pretty and complete, dammit! All calendars have 12 months (let’s not go into a discussion about some niche calendars here), and by god, so will  my blog!!!

In order for this to be achieved, I have to have at least ONE blog post per month or I’m f**ked. (Notice how I randomly censor and then don’t censor myself on this blog? Not sure why I do that – obviously it is something that’s NOT connected to my OCD-ness).

Okay, now that this is out of the way, the reason I have been such a baaad blog-person (I just hate the word ‘blogger’ – a throwback to my days as an actual writer and journalist: we turn our noses up at bloggers when we cover events)… is because I have been busy with Uni.

Yeah, well I figured it’s as good an excuse as any. I did 4 weeks of teaching prac at a high school here, teaching media. Boy, what a challenge teaching something you haven’t really thought much about since graduating (for me, that was 2006!). True, I worked in publishing for over 2 years in total. But the kind of media I was required to teach was 90% centred around film. Theory and practice. Re-learning on the job: do two things at once while trying to keep your sanity!

Then after that concluded, I was swamped with assignments and now, exams. Yeah, it is exam week. I had an exam on Friday (which was held NOT on the scheduled exam week, UNFAIR! I cry, but oh well it’s done and I think I did pretty well anyways), I had an exam this morning, and I have an exam tomorrow morning. ARGHH! Hence, the title: dying a slow death.

I should be studying. I really should.  That’s what I also told myself last night, and I did it. I ignored the call of my blog. But I can’t ignore it any longer (June is almost over). I thought a quick post to explain myself (as I seem to do a lot on my blogs – hey, it’s the alternative to therapy!) was in order. Besides, I only need 1 mark to pass this unit. A shabby, shabby excuse. I mean, of course I would like a distinction or a high distinction. But I’ve done pretty well on my assignment, so really, if I don’t do BRILLIANTLY on the exam, I will still make it.

So. Tomorrow an exam. Then, my last exam, which is on Thursday morning. That’s the one I really worry about. I need to do quite a bit better for that exam because the assignment was really tough. After that I plan to sleep, sleep, sleep. Go out with my Uni pals and drink our brains away (maybe). And just rejoice.

Oh, and a UPDATE: I got my Student Visa (finally!). So I’ve applied for jobs and am awaiting a callback for an interview.

Wish me luck (on all counts)!

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The flow of dough right now is currently one-way.

Going out:

– Rent

– Bills

– Groceries

– Fuel

– Parking

Coming in:

– ???

– #$@%#**!!

Those are my main expenses. I haven’t eaten out in ages. Well, I ate out on Monday night with Gaya – we had Japanese. Even then, dinner cost me $13.50 for fresh, raw salmon and tuna on rice. BIIIIG bowl, not too bad of a price. So it’s not like I’m going crazy and eating out at fancy-schmancy places every night, spending cash like there’s no tomorrow.

I eat most of my meals at home (well, Amir’s home anyway). We cook. Sometimes it’s something really awesome (his bolognese, my chicken/beef curry, his healthy baked trout with veggies, my baked chicken and potaotes…)

Sometimes, when money’s tight (or time – hey, we’re both busy people!), it’s… not so awesome (Indomie, scrambled eggs on toast for dinner, TOAST for dinner, a sanger for dinner… you get the picture).

Bottom line: I haven’t been spending money on frivolous, luxury items.

It’s the everyday things, bills, and so on, that have caused my bank balance to slowly head south for the winter. And guess what? There ain’t no money coming in, nuh-uh, oh no you di’in’t girlfriend.

Why?

I. Still. Can’t. Work.

No, not because of my achy breaky back (which still causes me to fantasize about firebombing that house in Bateman where that jerkoff lives).

Because of my bloody visa situation.

I’m still on a bridging visa which allows me to stay here and attend Uni, but

… no permission to work.

UGH!

Throw me a friggin’ bone here!

Sometimes, a girl just wants to have fun. Luckily I was able to go out shopping the other day with Gaya because Amir had given me, as a gift for Nawruz, a gift card at a leading department store here in Perth. So I bought myself a new handbag and some other odds and ends. It was fun to shop for pretty things again!

Plus, sometimes I just like eating well. I like spending a little extra money on premium fruit and vegetables. Or on that extra lean, extra delicious cut of meat. Or on that lovely fresh fillet of salmon or trout. And not have to worry that this one meal may be the death of my bank balance.

Meanwhile, I have rent, bills, petrol and weekly groceries to pay for. And trust me, I ain’t the fussy kind when it comes to food. I like good food, but I can basically make myself survive on poor-Uni-student fare like instant noodles, toast and nutella (or Nutino if you’re really on a budget), $1 canned tuna (which come in flavours so you can pretend you’re eating a lovely, hearty curry or even a full-blown Italian meal with sundried tomatoes and basil… oh, who am I kidding!).

But good nutrition has got to come from somewhere, sometime! Or my body’s f*cked! And I care about my health just as much as the next person (maybe more!). Every time I go grocery shopping, I am armed with a list of items that I saw were on special that week. I haven’t paid full price for an item in ages! Sometimes it is to my own detriment. Like buying the cheap meat (reduced by 30%!) and then opening the package only to be punched in the nose with a smell that I believe is reserved for an abandoned abattoir. Or something the cat dragged in.

I don’t know if it’s because I am disorganised and procrastinating (as usual) but I am also so overwhelmed with Uni work that I am not even sure how much I’d be able to work even IF I was able to (with the Permission to Work thingy that comes with a Student Visa). Still, people have been telling me about jobs that I could definitely get that pay like $20 an hour or more… geez! I’m dying for a job like that! So close, yet so far.

*Sigh*

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University


I must say my lecturers at Uni are very interesting, engaging and NICE.

In fact, there is ONE in particular who never fails to make us laugh in his class with his deadpan humour. I really enjoy his class. One of my classmates can never keep a straight face and chuckles a LOT in his class because of his demeanour and dry sense of humour.

I can’t really explain it because it’s kind of a “you had to be there” type of experience, but his little comments here and there as he delivers a lecture, said in an offhanded way, really add ‘spice’ to the workshop.

One thing I DO remember is during the first ever lecture of the unit, which is TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language – my minor area of study), he mentioned some grammar textbooks we can refer to for our assignments as well as guides or tools to help us teach, the names of the authors were Swan and Parrot (Michael Swan and Martin Parrot, who each have published English grammar reference books). And his comment was, “Yes…they do tend to have bird names, these grammar experts. Anyway…”

Cue giggles in classroom.

Entertaining indeed. (And informative, of course!).

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Challenge Yourself.


I’ve been at Uni, doing my Graduate Diploma in Education (Secondary) at ECU.

That’s one of the main reasons why I’ve been AWOL when it comes to this blog (sorry, Danu!!!).

This week has been especially challenging. It’s professional practice week, a 1-week orientation/observation prac to get acquainted with this whole teaching thingymajiggy.

Although I’m not a complete newbie to teaching (I did 8 weeks of teaching during my CELTA course last year), this is a whole different ballgame.

Teenagers are involved.

Remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, 16??

It was stressful. A hormone-filled time of dizzying confusion. When you were trying to carve out your own niche, yet at the same time feeling compelled to conform to the status quo, to belong, to fit in with your peers. A phase in your life where you felt so afraid, so incapable, so helpless, so uncomfortable in your own skin (or was it just me?).

In any case, I find myself fighting the automatic reaction in my mind (“ugh, stinkin’ teenagers!”) whenever they do or say something insolent or obnoxious, and trying to remember what it was like for me at the time.

It has been an interesting, scary and exciting experience so far. I haven’t actually taught a full class but I have participated in lessons and conducted pop quizzes (which I’m sure they just LOVE). I am getting to know the kids a bit more, learning as many names as I can for when I return in May for 4 weeks (yikes! Caffeine, here I come!).

I didn’t realise just how exhausting it is to be a teacher. That is, a real teacher who takes her job seriously and actually cares what the students are up to and how they perform. I come home every day, at the latest by 4.30pm, and I am SPENT. I crash on the couch and watch an episode of “Charmed” (…I have no excuse for this), then fall asleep in bed for an hour. Then I get up and drag myself to the dining room table where I have been doing most of my work (can’t, just CAN’T work in my room, too distracting what with the bed yelling at me to come and sleep all the time).  And I get fuck all done, and it’s already bedtime.

God am I tired. I didn’t think teaching was gonna be easy, but boy did I not realise how much it takes out of you.

Phew!

Aaaannnddd of course I’ve had NO social life for the past week. Which basically means I have spent all of two hours in total over the last week with my boyfriend. Ugh. I miss him! I miss my friends! I miss my family!!!!

Boo hoo. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Inayah.

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Floating in Limbo


I’ve been back in Perth for a week now.

How lovely it was to touch down at 530am, get through immigration quickly, and see my bag almost as soon as I got to the carousel at baggage claim. I had no problems getting through customs either. It was all really quick and easy, really.

The flight was okay – I never really sleep well while flying anyway. I had gotten maybe a grand total of 2 hours’ sleep. I was TIRED.

But when I walked through the exit and into the arrivals lounge, my eyes scanning the crowd for my new boyfriend (of less than 2 months), I felt my lethargy melt away when I saw him. Standing there, smiling at me, waving.

I walked up to him, we embraced and the first words he said to me: “I missed you.”

It was lovely. I had been away for just over 3 weeks. A long time to be away from someone you just got together with. Nevertheless, the shyness disappeared and it was like ‘old times’ again. Like I’d never left.

Except, I had. For more than 3 weeks. And in that time, a lot happened with him and myself.

He was super busy. Working from home, for himself, the workload had skyrocketed. December had been a quiet period; the end of Jan was when it all started to pick up and go crazy again.

And here I was, basically a bum with nothing to do. So while he had meetings and video conferences and emails to write and people to hound (and so much money owed to him, while at the same time needing to pay for a bunch of stuff), I had… nothing to do.

I hung out with my friends. But they work, too. And some are not even in the country. So for company and entertainment, I sometimes had to rely on my busy boyfriend. I felt bad; I felt like I was in his way. I didn’t want to be too demanding, but I was going stir-crazy at his place. He’d be holed up in his office, working away and I’d be… watching Just Shoot Me, or Modern Family, or whatever it was he put on for me to keep me entertained.

It’s an awful feeling sometimes, when someone has so much going on in their lives and at the same time tries to do everything they can to keep you occupied and happy, yet you still feel… bored and cabin-feverish. I wanted to go out and DO stuff. But he didn’t really have time for all that, not at the moment. Things were picking up for his business(es) and only getting better. He’s smart, charismatic, ambitious – of course he’s got heaps of people wanting his services and expertise. (Myself included – haw, haw, haw).

Anyways. The reason I am such a BUM with NOTHING to do is because I am waiting for the University to send me my COE – Confirmation of Enrollment. I paid for the first semester’s fees on Monday and was told I’d receive it within 48 hours. 5 days later and nothing. It’s frustrating because I need to go and apply for my Student Visa as soon as possible (semester starts on the 28th and I haven’t even enrolled in any units!), and I can’t do it without the COE.

For God’s sake, what’s taking so long? Checking my email every day is excruciating when I haven’t received anything. I called them yesterday and was assured that I’d receive the COE by the end of the day.

Noooope, it’s still not THERE!

Please, ECU, I beg of you, send it to me so I can get moving on this thing!! And so I have something to DO while my boyfriend works!

God damn. I can’t wait for semester to start so I can stop feeling so useless.

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