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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Blonde Ambition


This post is about childhood ambitions, or ideas we had about our future selves.

I have to ask: did anyone else think they were going to grow up to become a blonde, white woman?

Yes. I did just ask that.

You see, when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I was certain that when I grew up, I would be a blonde, blue-eyed white woman named Robecca [sic]. It wasn’t because I yearned to be Caucasian and hated my dark hair and olive skin. Nor was it because I planned to have surgery or bleach my hair.

I just assumed that’s what I would grow up to be.

Don’t ask me exactly why I assumed that; suffice to say, daily exposure to my mum’s Cosmopolitan magazines and American TV shows made my putty-like young brain believe that white was normal. White was status quo. White was people. And that it just eventually happened to you.

It’s funny how, despite being far wiser about these things (and happy with my naturally tanned skin and deep brown hair), that white is still viewed by the world at large as being the status quo. I mean, if someone was half-white and half-Asian, they are identified as Asian. Same with black. Or Australian Aborigines. And so on.

Why? Because being white is seen as being of ‘pure’ “race” and even a single drop of another “race”‘s blood means contamination and expulsion from the White-Only club?

Discuss.

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Au Naturale


I went to get my hair cut after god knows how long (probably over 6 months) because I couldn’t stand the horrible dry, split ends and also how hard it was to just brush my hair.

It was so bad that whenever I brushed my hair, the dry ends would snap off – if I brushed my hair over the sink, for example, the result would be I would see different lengths of hair ranging from a few milimetres to a few centimetres that have snapped off because my hair was so dry.

So I finally went to the salon and got about two or three inches lopped off.

While I was at the salon I was asking the lady about how to deal with dry hair and what products to use, she asked me what I was currently using. As a LUSH devotee, I just told her I was using “some natural products”.

She asked me, “Why are you using natural products?” with the same look on her face as someone who might have asked me, “Why are you eating poo?”

I dunno, maybe because I like natural products? Maybe I don’t want to have chemical crap on my hair all the time?

Well, I just told her that I thought they would be better on my hair, to which she shook her head and pooh-poohed me, and started rattling off a laundry list of products I should be using instead, such as Kerastase and L’Oreal and all… all of which, I might add, I HAVE used in the past and honestly, did not make much of a difference to my hair at all. I feel the stuff I have used from LUSH* has made a world of difference**, compared to these silicone and alcohol laden products.

* If you’re interested, I highly recommend Big Shampoo, Retread Conditioner, and Jungle Solid Conditioner (OMG this last one blew my mind!). Also, for leave-in treatment after shampooing and conditioning, use R&B Hair Moisturiser 🙂

** The reason my hair was horrible and dry despite me using these products was because a) I was too lazy to use them consistently (but once I did start being more consistent, there was a huge difference) and also because b) when your hair needs cutting, it needs cutting. NO product is gonna get rid of split ends once they’re there.

The clincher of this whole experience?? When the girl who was blow-drying my hair was doing it, she kept marvelling at how good my hair was and how she hasn’t seen hair in such good condition in ages, let alone worked on it. She was practically in a rapturous frenzy as she styled my hair. She told me not to do anything to it (I presume colouring or perming or frizzling and frying it with heating irons and stuff, which I of course never do).

So… I guess using natural stuff works?

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Random post, but yesterday as I parked my car outside my house, I saw school kids crossing the road to and from Garden City shopping centre.

I saw an little Asian boy (ok by little I mean maybe 13 or 14), walking out of Garden City, happily sipping his bubble tea. Then, a few steps away from my car as he was about to turn the corner, he hid his bubble tea in his jacket. I wondered why he did that, and then I saw.

From the opposite direction, a group of kids from his school (all wearing the same school blazer from Applecross Senior High, I think) were walking towards him. He didn’t want them to see him holding his bubble tea.

Why?

I imagine it was because he didn’t want to be stereotyped as a typical Asian kid who loves bubble tea. My first reaction to that thought was, who cares!

But when you’re a teenager in high school, you do care. You want your peers to accept you and think you’re cool (or whatever word or phrase kids use these days). You don’t want them to point and laugh, even if, in the grand scheme of things, their opinion really doesn’t matter. It matters here and now.

Perhaps a few years from now, he’ll think back on that incident and smirk to himself. Or he might not remember it at all.

I know I will.

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Loo, Loo, Skip to my Loo…


There’s something that’s puzzled me for a fair few months.

It’s to do with toilet paper (yes, how interesting).

For some time now, every time I mention it to people, they give me a puzzled look: “What? What is that item you are talking about?”

It’s not that they don’t know what toilet paper is.

It’s because for some reason I’ve taken to calling it “Loo Roll” instead of “Toilet Paper” or “Toilet Roll”.

Forgive me for using a phrase that nobody seems to understand. Somehow it crept into my vocabulary and I have favoured its usage over the more conventional ones stated above.

For some reason, I honestly thought it was an Aussie thing and that using it would better facilitate understanding between myself and those around me here in Australia. I used to just say “toilet paper” which is the standard in Malaysia, but adopted “loo roll” as part of my efforts to assimilate into different cultures and avoid any misunderstandings.

So imagine my dismay when I say things like “Jason, where’s your loo roll?” or “Amir, we need to buy more loo roll” and I am met with a blank stare followed by a “Wha-?”

According to Wikipedia, the term “loo roll” does indeed exist, however I didn’t read much more of the article (only the first paragraph, really) to find out if they mention at all where that particular one originates from. I really didn’t want to start reading a whole article about the origins of this paper product designed to decompose in septic tanks (there, I already read much more than necessary!).

So I guess the point of this somewhat pointless post is to wonder aloud to the cyber community: who here has heard this term before, and where the hell does it come from?

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University


I must say my lecturers at Uni are very interesting, engaging and NICE.

In fact, there is ONE in particular who never fails to make us laugh in his class with his deadpan humour. I really enjoy his class. One of my classmates can never keep a straight face and chuckles a LOT in his class because of his demeanour and dry sense of humour.

I can’t really explain it because it’s kind of a “you had to be there” type of experience, but his little comments here and there as he delivers a lecture, said in an offhanded way, really add ‘spice’ to the workshop.

One thing I DO remember is during the first ever lecture of the unit, which is TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language – my minor area of study), he mentioned some grammar textbooks we can refer to for our assignments as well as guides or tools to help us teach, the names of the authors were Swan and Parrot (Michael Swan and Martin Parrot, who each have published English grammar reference books). And his comment was, “Yes…they do tend to have bird names, these grammar experts. Anyway…”

Cue giggles in classroom.

Entertaining indeed. (And informative, of course!).

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