Back when I was a kid in primary school, I used to get a lot of shit from teachers and other students for having a ‘mat salleh’ mum.
The things people used to say to my sisters and I included name-calling (‘bohsia‘), with nosy ustazahs asking me if my mum prayed at home, and why didn’t we wear tudungs (hijabs). We got stared at a lot and were basically labelled ‘bad kids’ or at the very least, ‘naughty’, because we were doomed by having a white mother who was a ‘kaffir‘ as one kid in my class felt the need to inform me when I was around 8 or 9.
I remember one of my religious teachers pointing out that this one student, let’s say her name was Siti for the sake of preserving her privacy/anonymity, was a shining example and we should all follow in her footsteps. To be fair, during this particular incident I wasn’t being singled out by the ustazah in any way, but she was making a point to me and my group of little rascal friends that we should all aspire to be like this tudung-wearing, holy and solehah young Siti, who always got good marks in the religious studies class and was so polite and demure.
“Kan bagus kalau kamu semua boleh ikut teladan Siti ni?” the ustazah would say.
Well, fast forward 5 or 6 years and lo and behold, a teenaged Siti had a child out of wedlock. Hah! Right. Let’s all follow her example, be ignorant about sex, have lots of it with a useless mat rempit boyfriend, and have a bastard child at the age of fourteen. I personally have nothing against children being born to young, unmarried parents – what is the big effing deal?? as long as the child is loved, cared for and provided for, who gives a flying fuck what society thinks – but I would love to find that teacher and rub that fact in her face. I was waaay less experienced in that area compared to the previously-pure Siti, yet I was still looked at as a bad egg, or just a potential one, anyway, which was seen as being just as bad.
Seriously, compared to these so-called holy and ‘good’ girls, I was the real saint! I didn’t have boyfriends in high school, I didn’t go necking with them in the park, and I certainly didn’t give blowjobs and have frantic adolescent sex like these girls were doing – and getting away with it by virtue of looking the part of the innocent!
I used to feel like an outcast at school because I wasn’t Malay enough, and didn’t wear a tudung (not that I ever WANTED to!). The other tudung-wearing girls in my class had this air of superiority about them, no doubt drummed into them by their parents and the ustazahs, just because they had some cloth covering their hair. (Note: not ALL of them were like that; in fact, one of my best friends wore one and was never a holier-than-thou kind like the others).
Well, the funny thing is, now that we’re all grown up, some of these girls have cast the tudung off to shake their manes in the breeze – as well as wearing revealing, cleavage-baring clothes. Hooray for them! I’m glad they’re wearing what they want, and not something people tell them they should (except maybe the fashion magazines).
But seeing their transformations, I can’t say I feel 100% goodwill towards them, after the hell they put me through for being myself from the time I was a kid. Being teased for having an ‘infidel’ mother, being called a slut at the age of eleven when I was so far from it, I haven’t completely gotten over the unfairness and hypocrisy of it all.
Still, at least I know I was always true to myself.
Seeing that no one has responded to your new blog I thought I would. I know what it is like to write quality brain dumps and be ignored. π
When we met in Tengol Island I had two weeks of experience in Malaysia. I met a girl in Taman Negara the weekend before and I am now married to her. So there has been a few changes!
I have followed, not in a creepy way of course, your experiences in OZ and read the new blog. You sure are “what you see is what you get”! I have to agree with you about your sentiment regarding some Malays. Some of them are just blur lah! It is a pity as they seem to be in key positions and will not be moving out soon.
Apart from the odd blur person in Malaysia it has been fantastic here!
Keep up the writing as your style is a joy to consume and I look forward to the mini rants on FB.
Hope to see you again one day and have fun!
Mat salleh Ray!
Haha aww… thanks Ray! Much appreciated π
I saw the photos of your wedding, wow! I knew you when you had just met her – how’s married life treating you? Hope everything is going well.
Growing up, even in the most hulu of places (we moved around a lot) I m so happy that most of the ustazah or ustaz i knew didn’t treat me the way you were treated. Some exceptions: The ones in Bandar Baru Bangi (ooo ni teruk betul, one was gonna call me on stage for having a boy’s phone no in my magnetic phone book. Guess I was a slut for that.
The one in UiTM,can you believe he said “perempuan yang tak pakai tudung tu macam buntut ayam?” or something really harsh like that. I’d rather be like a buntut ayam than a hypocrite, tankiuberymuch.
Hi, Kelana Jaya? I have just been through there. So you back in KL? I live in TTDI, Kiara Park.
Anyway, married life is great!
Maybe our paths will cross sooner than I thought. I could call Alex and Sean and see if they want to have beer at some point. They hang out , Alex mostly, at the Sportsman bar in Damansara Kim.
Interested in some 4×4 fun? We should be planning a trip to Sungi Bill soon. Let me know, there is always space!
π
You know babe, being a less than stellar example of a ‘tudung kid’ throughout high school had always been a nightmare as well. And like you said, these girls who rubbed it in your faces how bad you were are the ones in university turning into everything they had preached so strongly against. I still know who I am, still keep to my principles and they used to tell me I was a hypocrite back in high school because I wore the hijab and yet had different principles from them.
Who’s the hypocrite now?
Maybe after all these years that’s why we’re still best friends π Because we knew who we were and never needed to pretend to be otherwise.
Miss you muchies!
I don’t even have a mat salleh dad or a minah salleh mum.I do have an uncle name Salleh though.True story.
Anyway, because I was named ‘Lisa’, that was controversial enough to make most of these ustazahs/ustaz think I’m the devil’s child etc.Sebab nama macam orang kaffir.This was of course, when I was living in KL for the first half of my childhood years.It escalated into a scandal when they found out I wasn’t even born in Malaysia.How stupid are these people?
Every religious studies class, I would automatically shy away and sit quietly because none of these ustaz/ustazah would BOTHER to teach me anything.Meh.
I was afraidof Islam because of these morons.Thank God I found my way back.Kapow!
that is so mean coming from a teacher. these people shouldnt be teaching in the first place.